Costco Doctor!

Costco (for non-US types - a discount shopping chain, like Wal-Mart) doctor!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.  "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.  It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.   He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample... He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.  Get some liniment at  the Costco pharmacy, in the meantime.  It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Costco.."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .

The computer prints the following:

"1. Your tap water is too hard.  Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
"2. Your dog has ringworm.  Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
"3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
"4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins - they aren't yours.. Get a lawyer.
"5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
"Thank you for shopping @ Costco!"

Peace

Retirement

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.  Well, for example, the other day, Rachel, my wife, and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'  He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an “a--hole” . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.  So Rachel called him a “s--t head”.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.  It's important at our age.  Peace.